A year ago, wrestling with conflicting emotions over my mother's Alzheimers, I wrote
Letting Go
After bedtime, in the dark
gripping the edge of my crib
calling, calling, calling out
as I so often did:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
Silence, looming silence,
mocks me in reply.
I raise my voice, bravely
mustering yet another try:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
Hours later (so it feels)
exhausted by my fears
I let go, sit down,
find my blankie,
dissolving into tears.
* * * * *
Her frail unsteady body
barracades the door.
Voice breaking, eyes glistening
she pleads with me once more:
“I don’t want to let you go!”
I clench my jaw, soothe my voice
promise to come again.
Praying that when I return
she’ll remember who I am.
* * * * *
helpless, lost, and small
that cried-out voice still echoing
her sad, scared, lonely call:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
I don’t want to let you go.
Silence, brooding silence
echoes in reply.
I’ve lived so long without you
but still can’t say good bye.
As I shared in my Day 1 post, I'm new to grief. I find myself alternately overwhelmed by it and running as fast as I can from it.
So today, I am thankful that I do not face any of this on my own. I am thankful that although “My flesh and my heart may fail...God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
* * * * *
13 Bloggers, 13 topics, 1 Great God:
Contributing to Family Income / 2 Better Than 1
The Fear of the Lord / Satisfied by Love
Using Time Wisely / Blessed Beyond Measure
Taking Care of Needy / Shadow Wonder
Using Money Wisely / Jennifer Sikora
Keeping an Eye on Home / Just a Glimpse
She can Laugh at the Days Ahead / faith filled food for moms
Clothed in Strength and Dignity / One thing I’ve Learned
Taking Care of Others/ 2 savvy gals
Being Creative / A Patchwork Mommy
Bringing Variety to Family / Karen Dawkins
Extending your Hand to the Poor / Women’s Fellowship House
Organization / Teaching What is Good
Bless your beautiful heart. This truly touched my heart, praying for you, and your dear mom.
ReplyDeleteThis was so heart-wrenching I'm reduced to tears. I pray God gives you strength to walk this journey Cheri. Thank you for sharing this. I have not appreciated my own mother enough...now that my mother in law has been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, your story compels me to do all I can for them while I still can.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you!
Very touching, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBethany
This is lovely. Just spent time with a friend whose mother has been diagnosed with early onset dementia, and I think she would be touched by your post, so I'm passing it along.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Anne
shadowwonder.blogspot.com
My heart and prayers go out to you. I cannot imagine the grief you are going through but the Lord does and I pray he bless you abundantly with all the love, comfort and strength you need to bare this burden... I also believe your beautiful poem will help so many others. God Bless you. Have a wonderful day.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and loving post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Wow. Words escape me as how beautifully written this is, and what a wonderful thing to know that we dont have to go thru things alone, God is always with us! Thank you for sharing from the depths of your heart on THANKFUL THURSDAY this week!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it is like to have someone you love slip away before you. Will be praying for peace during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteThe duality you capture in this poetry is completely exact. Incredibly and powerfully written.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart so beautifully. Praying that strength would be evident daily
ReplyDeleteCheri, you words are so beautiful. I have a good friend who watched his dad go through the same thing not too long ago. I know your words will speak to many people who find themselves in a similar painful situation. Thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDelete