{Five Friday} Real

It's Five Minute Friday.

A great reminder that we write because we want to, not because we have to. We write for fun, for joy, for discovery. It's a time to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

OK, are you ready? Give us your best five minutes on:

Real

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.

"It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

(from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams)

Last night, you laughed at something silly I'd said. "You are so dang funny!" you told me.

And I felt real.

This morning, you turned off the 5:30 AM alarm, turned to me, and without opening your eyes (which wouldn't have mattered as it was still pitch dark) mumbled, as you do each day, "Good morning beautiful!"

And I felt real.

For too many years, I kept myself on the shelf, convinced that you didn't realize how fragile I was, how many sharp edges I have, how carefully I must be handled.

But you knew all that. And you brought me down off the shelf anyway.

After two decades, we both have a lot less hair (gone are my bad 80s perms!) We both use prescription reading glasses (you fought yours every step of the way!) You've got your knee braces, and I've got my Theraband.

We give "shabby chic" an entirely new meaning.

But "once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

We are Real.

{10 Days of Proverbs 31} Worship, not Worry

"She is clothed with strength and dignity..." Proverbs 31:25(a)

I wake up early this morning, worried about everything I've got to get done in the next month. On top of a huge To Do list, I'm battling a cold that's promising to get worse before it gets better.

Then I remember: "You didn't get up to worry; you got up to worship!"

Oh yeah. I grab my Bible, iPod, and journal. I settle in on the couch.

Now what?

Instantly, I'm ashamed for asking. How can I not know what to do next? I was raised in a Christian home, attended church weekly, spent 16 years attending Christian schools, and have taught for two decades in Christian schools.

Yet I am wondering: Exactly what is worship?

I can identify worship when I see it happening elsewhere: The praise and worship service. Worship through prayer. The entire congregation standing in worship.

But what is worship right now? Here in my quiet living room? As I sit alone?

Oh, I could go all English-teachery and pull out Webster:

wor-ship.
noun
1. reverent honor and homage paid to god or a sacred personage.
2. formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage.
3. adoring reverence or regard;
verb
1. to render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity.
2. to attend services of divine worship.
3. to feel an adoring reverence or regard.

I'm not feeling much other than discomfort and foolishness right about now. I'm starting to realize how much of a "social worshipper" I am. I love being part of a worshipping group -- especially at a women's retreat -- our individual voices blended (and mine well masked!) in song.

Synergy and collaboration are my two favorite words; I love doing things together. I truly hate doing things alone. Sure, I could start singing a favorite praise song, but I loathe my voice. It's weak. Off-key. Powerless. It doesn't feel like real worship unless there's serious volume, harmony, talent.

I could raise one or both hands, but how weird is that? It's taken me years to shake off my your-hands-belong-at-your-sides conservative upbringing. For the longest time, I'd only allow one brave hand to tentatively raise while the other remained obediently plastered to my side. Now, I love throwing myself into worship with both hands raised fully in praise. But it only feels "right" in a group with others who are doing the same. Raise one or both hands, right here? right now? alone?

(I am so not even touching "dancing before the Lord"!)

But I know that I, of all people, need physical acts of worship. I may be twenty years past the death-trap of Ed (eating disorder), but I can still snap instantly into old habits of disconnecting from my body and retreating into my head, especially when I'm feeling weak or worried.

So, I look up the root words of "worship." (Yes, I know I'm stalling. Anything to stay in the comfort zone of my brain!) Interestingly enough, it's made up of the words "worth" and "-ship." The "-ship" part simply means "state of being." And a search for "Worth" brings up merit. excellence. importance. value.

Worship demonstrates what I value.

Oh, I'll tell you with my words that I don't value worrying! But the truth shows up in my actions. I woke up early because I'm so worried about everything I've got to get done. And now I've spent the last thirty minutes worrying about worship!

From a time and energy investment perspective, worry is the most valuable thing in my life. My "almighty" To Do list is my "god," and worry is my ritual for worshipping it.

I'm appalled. I can't say I'm shocked; I've only re-discovered how much of an achievement-focused Choleric zealot I really am a few hundred times in my life. But I've not seen it in this light.

Doing is my "god," and worry is my worship. This is an "ah-HA!" of the most disturbing kind.

I initially thought "Worship, not Worry" was nothing more than a cute alliterative catch phrase. Now I realize it's a baby step in a journey. Yes, I'm appalled. But I'm also in awe. Awed that the One of ultimate value follows me wherever my rationalizing mind wanders. Awed that He values me -- even when I'm busy worshipping another "god" -- enough to pursue and woo me.

I want my "worth-ship" to come down not to what I value but Who values me. And this is key to becoming a woman who is "clothed with strength and dignity", for the origin of the word "dignity" is none other than worth.

Dignity and worship go hand-in-hand.(Which makes so much sense. When am I the least dignified? When I am the most worried!)

I still don't know the "right" answer to my question: Exactly what is worship?

But I feel a song coming on. And I think that rather than worrying about how I'll sound, I'll simply worship.

I'd suggest you plug your ears, but you're not here--whew!

Anyhow, this isn't about you.
It isn't even about me.
This is about worship
and dignity.

It's about the One
who provides Refuge
and Strength
to you and to me.

* * * * *

13 Bloggers, 13 topics, 1 Great God:

Contributing to Family Income / 2 Better Than 1

The Fear of the Lord / Satisfied by Love

Using Time Wisely / Blessed Beyond Measure

Taking Care of Needy / Shadow Wonder

Using Money Wisely / Jennifer Sikora

Keeping an Eye on Home / Just a Glimpse

She can Laugh at the Days Ahead / faith filled food for moms

Clothed in Strength and Dignity / One thing I’ve Learned

Taking Care of Others/ 2 savvy gals

Being Creative / A Patchwork Mommy

Bringing Variety to Family / Karen Dawkins

Extending your Hand to the Poor / Women’s Fellowship House

Organization / Teaching What is Good

{10 Days of Proverbs 31} Needed: a New Heart

"She is clothed with strength and dignity..." Proverbs 31:25(a)

My search for strength
has left me
with an
inflexible
brittle
spirit.

My quest for dignity
has taken me deep
into condescension
and
isolation.

I've held a death grip on the
illusion of control–
holding on
with everything
within me–
yet I
find myself
empty
yet again.

I'm so far past
the breaking point
that I have
nothing
left to lose.

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)






* * * * *

13 Bloggers, 13 topics, 1 Great God:

Contributing to Family Income / 2 Better Than 1

The Fear of the Lord / Satisfied by Love

Using Time Wisely / Blessed Beyond Measure

Taking Care of Needy / Shadow Wonder

Using Money Wisely / Jennifer Sikora

Keeping an Eye on Home / Just a Glimpse

She can Laugh at the Days Ahead / faith filled food for moms

Clothed in Strength and Dignity / One thing I’ve Learned

Taking Care of Others/ 2 savvy gals

Being Creative / A Patchwork Mommy

Bringing Variety to Family / Karen Dawkins

Extending your Hand to the Poor / Women’s Fellowship House

Organization / Teaching What is Good

{10 Days of Proverbs 31} My Heart May Fail, BUT...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity..." Proverbs 31:25(a)

A year ago, wrestling with conflicting emotions over my mother's Alzheimers, I wrote

Letting Go

After bedtime, in the dark
gripping the edge of my crib
calling, calling, calling out
as I so often did:

“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”

Silence, looming silence,
mocks me in reply.
I raise my voice, bravely
mustering yet another try:

“Mowie!
I want you!

I need you!”

Hours later (so it feels)
exhausted by my fears
I let go, sit down,
find my blankie,
dissolving into tears.

* * * * *

Her frail unsteady body
barracades the door.
Voice breaking, eyes glistening
she pleads with me once more:

“I don’t want to let you go!”

I clench my jaw, soothe my voice
promise to come again.
Praying that when I return
she’ll remember who I am.

* * * * *

I’m driving into darkness
helpless, lost, and small
that cried-out voice still echoing
her sad, scared, lonely call:

“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”

I don’t want to let you go.

Silence, brooding silence
echoes in reply.
I’ve lived so long without you
but still can’t say good bye.

Four months ago was my first visit home during which my mother did not recognize me. (After which I wrote "Unknown but Loved".)

As I shared in my Day 1 post, I'm new to grief. I find myself alternately overwhelmed by it and running as fast as I can from it.

So today, I am thankful that I do not face any of this on my own. I am thankful that although “My flesh and my heart may fail...God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26



* * * * *

13 Bloggers, 13 topics, 1 Great God:

Contributing to Family Income / 2 Better Than 1

The Fear of the Lord / Satisfied by Love

Using Time Wisely / Blessed Beyond Measure

Taking Care of Needy / Shadow Wonder

Using Money Wisely / Jennifer Sikora

Keeping an Eye on Home / Just a Glimpse

She can Laugh at the Days Ahead / faith filled food for moms

Clothed in Strength and Dignity / One thing I’ve Learned

Taking Care of Others/ 2 savvy gals

Being Creative / A Patchwork Mommy

Bringing Variety to Family / Karen Dawkins

Extending your Hand to the Poor / Women’s Fellowship House

Organization / Teaching What is Good

{10 Days of Proverbs 31} Take It or Weakness

"She is clothed with strength and dignity..." Proverbs 31:25(a)

"Do you want to get well?"

It's not a difficult question. It doesn't require a complex reply. In fact, one word will suffice.

So how come the paralytic by the pool of Bethesda responded to Jesus' question with 30 words, when one would have been enough?

"I have no one...while I am trying...someone else..."

Oh, do I ever recognize these words! When I get on a "poor me" kick, it's all about wishing others would do something for me, focusing on my weakness, and comparing myself unfavorably with others.

Offering His strength, Jesus asks me the same question: "Cheri, do you want to get well?"

And I blather, "Sir, I have so much grading to get done. My readers didn't show up last week, so I'm two weeks behind and midterms are due next week!"

He asks, "Cheri, do you want to get well?"

And I explain, "Sir, I've tried to make friends and get involved, but it never lasts."

He asks, "Cheri, do want to get well?"

And I defend, "Sir, nobody in the house understands me. I'm the only female, now that Annemarie's away at college. Daniel just don't 'get' me!"

And on it goes.

Jesus never stops asking, "Cheri, do you want to get well?" He never stops offering His strength.

At some point, I get tired of my pity party; after all, no guests show up, and there are no gifts. And I realize that Jesus isn't asking an essay question! It's a simple yes-or-no.

As I meditate on this story in John 5:1-15, I realize why I babble endlessly rather than checking "yes."

I'll have to take action.

I'll have to trust Him for strength. I'll have to pick up my mat and walk. Which is, of course, what I want...right?

I mean, who would rather live in weakness, complaining "I have no one...while I am trying...someone else..."?

His question again: "Do you want to get well?"

His standing offer: omnipotent strength.

My daily, hourly, moment-by-moment choice: take it...or weakness.


* * * * *

13 Bloggers, 13 topics, 1 Great God:

Contributing to Family Income / 2 Better Than 1

The Fear of the Lord / Satisfied by Love

Using Time Wisely / Blessed Beyond Measure

Taking Care of Needy / Shadow Wonder

Using Money Wisely / Jennifer Sikora

Keeping an Eye on Home / Just a Glimpse

She can Laugh at the Days Ahead / faith filled food for moms

Clothed in Strength and Dignity / One thing I’ve Learned

Taking Care of Others/ 2 savvy gals

Being Creative / A Patchwork Mommy

Bringing Variety to Family / Karen Dawkins

Extending your Hand to the Poor / Women’s Fellowship House

Organization / Teaching What is Good