Trying to help me become "Lower Maintenance Girl" or (dare we even hope?) "Joy-and-Peace Filled Girl," well-meaning loved ones have offered their best advice over the years.
Unfortunately, none of the following suggestions ever succeeded in doing anything other than -- you guessed it! -- making me even more "high maintenance":
1. "Just stop thinking about it."
2. "Just Let Go and Let God."
3. "Just don't have any expectations."
4. "Just let whatever anyone says go in one ear and out the other."
5. "Just don't take things so personally."
6. "Just trust yourself and follow your inner voice."
7. "Just don't be such a perfectionist (over-achiever, list-maker, do-er...)
8. "Just learn to r-e-l-a-x!"
9. "Just don't be so hard on yourself."
10. "Just accept whatever comes."
Excellent bits of advice, every one of them. But without the companion how-to manual (yes, I would buy Contentment for Dummies!) I could never figure out how to apply any of them to real life.
Of course, my repeated failures at following friends' advice only made me more "extremely" -- I see you recognize the pattern by now! -- "high maintenance."
My friends weren't trying to make me feel worse. In fact, they were trying their best to help me move from where I was (Anxiety) to where they were (Contentment), certain that if I could just join them, I'd feel so much better. They were probably right.
How would I get from here to there?
Since I am blessed with lots of Normal Girl friends, none had ever been where I was. None had ever made the trek from Anxiety to Contentment. So the best they could do was earnestly tell me, "Cheri, where you’re at sounds just terrible! Stop being there. Come join me here!"
My snarky side always wanted to respond, “Okay, Beam me up, Scottie!” How would I magically transport myself from there to here (or here to there)?
When I didn’t follow their well-meaning advice, some of my Normal Girl friends took offense and turned judgmental, “You must like being there if you’re still there! You are choosing to stay there. You could decide to leave if you really wanted to.”
Here’s a News Flash for any Normal Girl reading this:
1) Anxiety Girl does not like where she’s at;
2) Anxiety Girl is not choosing to stay where she’s at; and,
3) Anxiety Girl wants to leave where she’s at but she does not know the way out.
(And a related News Flash for any Anxiety Girls: hanging around Normal Girls in hopes that their normalicy will “rub off” is just another set-up for disappointment.)
How about you? If you're a Normal Girl, what's been your experience with the Anxiety Girls in your life? If you're an Anxiety Girl, what's been your experience with the Normal Girls in your life?
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13