I went to the NCTE Convention in Philadelphia alone -- didn't know a soul! I went because I knew that if I kept hitting my head against the wall all by myself, I'd eventually cause brain damage. (Of course, if you ask my students, there's no "eventually" to it!)
I am SO thankful for all I learned and experienced at NCTE! SO many "light bulb" moments illuminating dark places in my teaching and inner wrestlings. So many missing puzzle pieces showing up saying, "I go right HERE!" and filling a maddening gap.
My first major take-away was a collection of "ah-HA!" moments about why things that haven't been working, well, haven't been working!
And then scores of fabulous ideas for what will work -- oh my! The presenters' generosity with handouts and PowerPoints and lesson plans is mind-boggling. But far more important than the printed materials -- I have bookshelves LINED with books and lesson planning ideas -- was the step-by-step coaching, the modeling, the demonstrating of artifacts. Now that I've met the presenters, heard them life-and-in-person, seen them in action -- now the handouts and packets and PowerPoints have long-term practical meaning.
I read about 1/2 of Alan Sitomer's Teaching Teens & Reaping Results in a Wi-Fi, Hip-Hop, Where-Has-All-the-Sanity-Gone World during my interminable (but safe!) trip home yesterday. Chapter 3 gives a powerful -- and sobering -- challenge: Quoting Dr. Haim Ginott, "I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather," Alan extrapolates, "ultimately I, as the teacher in my classroom, was the weather. Not like the weather; I was the weather. The deeper I looked at this idea, the more I became aware of its tremendous power."
At NCTE, after a particularly superb presentation by several top-notch, renowned presenters, I over heard a small cluster of newbie teachers complaining, "I knew all of that already. They didn't say anything new I can use." I barely restrained myself from marching over to these junior-high student look-alikes (anyone under 40 looks intensely young to me these days!) to give them a piece of my mind (and hope they'd choke on it!) In another session, the woman next to me spent the entire time bemoaning all the reasons she couldn't do any of the actions suggested or use any of the information shared. I wanted to dash into a chemistry lab safety shower, lest her attitude cling and corrode.
And yet, as I read Alan's words and experience, I realize that for all the information, ideas, and materials I gained at NCTE, my own attitude is the determining factor. For me and, most crucially, for my kids. My "bad tude" doesn't look or sound like the "other teachers" I saw thru the easy eyes of condescension.
What does my own bad attitude look like? I have a few suspicions (sarcasm perhaps? pas moi!) but after two decades in the trenches, turning the forgiving, blind eyes of excuses and circumstances (on myself, only, of course) has become a comfortable habit. (Maybe we need an AA group: Attitudes Anonymous!?)
This wasn't what I intended to write when I sat down, but it's what came out. And that was one of the most powerful, practical take-aways from NCTE for me: Writing isn't something I can finally allow myself to do when my lesson plans are done, my grading is up-to date, and my room is clean dealt with. It's not even that I "need" to write for my students. I GET to write daily, with my students! I get to start writing with one idea in mind, see where it leads me, and then talk through my process with a bunch of my favorite people!
I know it's going to be messy and one student is going to let loose with his own sarcastic bAAAAAAd attitude and another student will sigh and put her head on her desk. But I've handled them before, so I can handle them again. Perhaps, in the mix, he will offer an insightful comment; maybe she will get hit with a new idea of her own!
I went to NCTE alone. But I came home feeling very much part of an amazing community, and the English Companion Ning will sustain that sense of camaraderie in the months to come.
Now my goals are (1) to become rigorously self-reflective about my own attitude and (2) to be actively transparent with my own writing process.And my hope is to foster a greater sense of belonging for each student in each class.