A friend's 12-year-old unthinkingly set her purse down while shopping at American Eagle. Seconds later, when she reached for it, it was gone.Inside were her iPod ($249), cell phone ($199), Gameboy ($49), and a variety of birthday gift cards ($150.) She had very little cash, and the purse wasn't worth more than $10, but her total losses added up to a staggering $650+.
$650 is a pretty heavy loss for a 12-year-old. ($650 would be a pretty heavy loss for this 42-year old!)
First, the 411 questions:
1) Is it within developmental bounds for a 12-year-old to act without thinking of the consequences?
2) Does a 12-year-old truly understand the meaning of $650? (If you're not sure, hand over a calculator, have her calculate the number of work hours at minimum wage, and watch her reaction!)
3) Who's responsible for a 12-year-old having and casually carrying around $650?
So, the 911 questions:1) What discussions are we having with our kids about the maximum dollar value they should be carrying in their purses, backpacks, pockets, etc?
2) What dialogues are we engaged in about the value of the expensive gadgets our kids own? Do they feel that they have a "right" to these items, or do they feel privileged to have and use them?
3) Have we talked about who's responsible for replacement in case of damage or theft? Will an adult buy a new one? Will the child? Will the cost be shared? Will the child live without?
4) Are we, as adults, planning ahead to be appropriately respond-sible (not reactive!) if and when a child damages or loses an expensive item? Or will we fall into knee-jerk shaming ("How could you?"..."Didn't I tell you?"..."You always!") or reflex coddling ("You poor thing!"..."I can't believe someone would take advantage of you!"..."It's not your fault!")
YouToo time: What are your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom when it comes to the question "Who's responsible?" regarding kids and expensive gadgets?