Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got petted! My favorite thing!
11:30 AM - Barked at nothing! My favorite thing!
Noon - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
4:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
5:30 PM - Played ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
9:30 PM - Slept on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's DiaryDay 983 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I and the other inmates are forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant; I must keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me alive is my dream of escape.
I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet while he was was waking. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and dropped the headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Infidels!
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, they utilized a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." Only sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe . . . for now . . .